I'm sorry!

WOW! I guess I've stopped keeping up with this now that I am pretty much living with Douglas...maybe I'll only be able to write every few days from now on. That's okay tho I still have my paper journal to start writing in too.

Valentine's was just another day for me. I feel as if that's what it should be. But, I worked that night and Douglas worked all day. I thought we had agreed to not celebrate it but unfortunately we both bought some cheesy gifts for each other lol. I feel as if V-day is just overrated. We should love our significant others every day not just one...and the real meaning of v-day is about love and friendship not really the love you have for just one person but the love you have for EVERYone you love in your life. But oh well, I look forward to this cheesy love day again in June for the Brazilian love day I guess...

Sunday...ahh Sunday. I love this day of the week. Nothing to do but be lazy. We slept in until 12 and got ready. We went and ran errands and such then went to dinner and party as usual. Then it was bed time early.

Monday--Oh busy day! I went to the craft store because I have been meaning to start mine and Douglas' scrap book for ages now. But...I needed scissors, stamp ink, and a few more whoohaaas to get it all started. I got 5 pages done...which takes forever when you're stamping, but they turned out GREAT! Then Julio finally woke up, he is Douglas' roomate. We went to Comcast to finally get high speed internet and the Brazilian globol channel. Then we went to best buy to see if his computer was fixed. Then it was time for work at Unos which sucked because it happens to be the WORST time of the month and I had to close when I was not supposed to.

Tuesday- well it's just started so idk really what's going to happen and not sure if I'll get to write for today anyways. But, I watched Barrett from 6:00 - 8:30 and dropped him off at day care. Then I headed into town, picked up breakfast and came to Douglas' apartment and woke him up hehe. Then we ate breakfast and now I'm sitting here when I should be up getting ready lol...I have my orientation for TGI Friday's FINALLY today at 1:30! It will be great!

Anyways, hopefully I won't go so long before posting again...now that I have internet at both places I partially live at it should be much easier. But I really should get going and getting ready for today! Have a good one!

-T-

Sorry a two dayer!

Yesterday started out just normal waking up with Barrett then taking him to day care as usual! Then I drove to Hyannis of coarse where I was able to see my love off to work. Then I got to work cleaning the apartment I kinda share! I cleaned the whole thing which 3 guys live in, except for the other guys bathroom and bedroom! It felt good and made me feel soo much better after I did that.

After cleaning it was almost time for Douglas to be home so I hopped in the shower...and got ready for him. He so graciously satisfied my hunger when he walked in with broccoli and cheddar soup with cheddar cheese melted on top just like I like it and spicy shrimp and chicken pasta from TGI Fridays! We ate lunch and I started his laundry while he took a shower cuz he smelled like Fridays of coarse!

We finished the laundry ran some errands and then went out to a movie! We saw The Uninvited and it was pretty good! Then it was time for coffee and bed. It was a pretty good day and felt good to be off ALL DAY LONG!

Today---aahhh it hasn't been much of a day! Started off with Barrett as usual. Then went to see Douglas and get my work clothes, make-up, and straightener from the apt. Came back to my sisters and got a shower and ready. Well, yesterday I was looking at car insurance quotes during free time and tried to get a quote for liberty mutual for here in massachusetts because progressive cannot insure me up here and i'm up for renual next month!!!

Well, just now I got a call back from liberty mutual...they infact cannot insure me in Texas but can save me a shit ton of money if I tranfer registration over to Massachusetts! I currently pay 430 bucks a month in Texas with any insurance company because Texas is so strict about accidents.

Well, this agent at Liberty Mutual told me that if I were to transfer my registration over I will only have to pay 167 dollars a MONTH!! HOLY SMOKES! It will however cost between 300 and 400 bucks to transfer, but I will be saving 2400 dollars a year on my car insurance! &*& I can keep my Texas Drivers License!

Oh well, I'm super excited and will transfer over as soon as I can. &*& now it is time to pick Barrett back up from day care so that the baby sitter will have someone to watch this afternoon haha! Anyways have a good one and take care!

-T-

OMG!

All I can say is OH MY GOD! I'm sorry it's been longer than a day. But, truth is I don't know where to start. It just seems as things start to get better and look up they completely fall apart again. Why is life like that?! Why do we take one step forward and two steps back...it's so hard to keep moving forward when that's always happening!!!

Well, the night before last was possibly one of the WORST nights of my life. As I am getting in my car to go home from Douglas' apt at 3 am my phone is going off. My first thought is it's my sister pissed that I am not home yet. But, no it's my cousin, Amber, calling.

Amber and I have been more like sisters our entire life. We even were dressed alike as if we were twins. But, why was she calling at 3 AM?! In fact it wasn't her, it was her mom at first and she was in tears! So I said goodbye to Douglas and headed home. She told me Amber really needed to talk to me really bad! So I said okay put her on!

She said, "I want you to know that I took some pills. I feel as if I am a burden to everyone around me. I am tired of being treated like shit by my father and him not helping my mom pay my health/car insurance and car payments like he was court ordered to do. I feel that if I am not here my mom won't struggle anymore and maybe guys wouldn't have a girl to use anymore."

I didn't know what to think, do or say! I've been down this road too many times before with my best friend and in the end she's gone forever. I am shocked that Amber would ever do this! She's not a burden and in fact would be a burden if she were to be gone! I'm so glad that her ex, John, called Aunt Jeannie and told her. I'm glad that Amber called me to help her through this time. But, I really hope this is the one and only time she will ever even think about doing this to everyone around her.

We really did almost lose her. If she hadn't gone to the hospital to get her stomach pumped she probably wouldn't be here. The fact that I can't physically be there for her is really eating at me. I've always been able to just pick up and get to whoever was in need in my family and now I live far too far away to be able to do that. I would catch a flight but don't have the money or the time off to do so!!

Well, at least she's safe. Just please say a prayer for her and my family as we go through this dark time. On another note, Douglas and I love eachother SOOO much but we've been fighting almost daily. I don't know what to do about that. I don't know what to do with the jealousy that he has. I don't know how to show him he can trust me after all that's happened. I don't know where to begin other than to go back to a time when we were happiest and start over from there and forget everything else that has happened.

We will work through this I know, because we just love eachother too much. Every relationship has it's dark moments. I cannot wait to see him tonight to give him a big hug and see his smile. He's having a tough time as well, for he misses home. Home is Brazil and I can't keep him here if that's what he wants. But, if he does go I will miss him very much and be devistated. I'm pretty sure that I would wait for him if that's what he wanted!

Sorry for it being so long. But, this needed to be off my chest.

Have a good one!
-T-

SUNNNDAY!

Well, it's the day off...not much of one tho. We headed to Friday's because I had an interview for a job as a server. It went wonderful and I have a meeting tomorrow! Pretty much have the job. Then we drove to Falmouth again to pick up Douglas' car...Then came home and actually had some rest but I couldn't sleep. I watched Titanic while Douglas slept and then went to my sisters to get some clothes for church. We went to church which was different for me considering it is Catholic and in Portuguese! It was a beautiful church and I did enjoy it. Douglas, Julio (his roomate and best friend) and I all went out to Olive Garden together. Oh my goodness it was delicious! We had the Chicken Gnnokie Soup!!! Then we had the stuffed cheese Ravioli with shrimp! None of us finished it! Anways now it's time for bed. Have a good one!

-T-

Busy Saturday

Today was pretty busy...took his car to falmouth for new tires and oil change. Then I went to my sisters to do my laundry and meet the new day care woman. Then it was work at Uno and HAHA closing again. The past like 3 months I have closed almost EVERY SINGLE night I have worked!!!!

I got out of work pretty late and again we went to bed shortly because we needed sleep! Tomorrow was going to be a busy day off!

boring friday

So...Today was normal as always except it was the last day of taking care of the kiddo for hours and hours. He was a pain in the BUTT all day because he took his nap at like 9:00 this morning and only slept for like 45 minutes. I met my sister at Uno for her to pick him up and started work! Again I am closing, at this point I am getting tired of closing SOOO much.

After work Douglas and I went back to his apartment where I stay during the weekends. We went to bed shortly because we had to be up early to take his car to Falmouth. That was the extent of today!

kinda blah day...

I just wanna start out that today was just an alright day for me. Nothing good or bad really happened! Douglas was gone getting some stuff that he needed to get done all day....he went allll over massachusetts. He got back in town about 6:30 and I had to close at Uno...which really sucked butt. I watched the kid after my sister took him to doctor...and all he did was take a nap while she took a nap cuz she was home sick.

Uno was completely dead but I at least got 65 bucks out of the night thank goodness! Then after work I called and called Douglas. He wasn't answering me, this both irritates me and scares me when they don't answer your calls...we can only have two cars parked at his apartment complex so the extra car has to sit in a parking lot far off.

Tonight was an exceptionally warm 7 degree night! HA j/k f-in cold!!! So I drove over there parked in that parking lot and walked my freezin butt all the way to his apartment in the dark at midnight might I add. I get there and he didn't really even aknowledge that I was there...he had been asleep since 8:00. If he had just let me know he was going to sleep I would have left him alone and gone on home.

But, since he neglected to answer my calls or tell me he was just gonna go to bed early tonight I busted my butt to go there to be with him which all we did was argue at first then just go to sleep :( Just was an akward day if you ask me...glad it's over.

G*Nite!
-T-

YAWWWN!

Ugh today was such a LOOONG day! Barrett woke up early apparently, but I wasn't woken up until 6:30...which was somewhat of a relief!! I went downstairs and laid around until he was ready to get up and eat breakfast. We ate breakfast and went back downstairs to play. We played and played...10:00 rolled around and he plopped himself up on the couch for a nap!

Don't worry wasn't a long one tho. I put in a movie called Return to me and it was so good to just be able to relax. Then the kid became a monster for the rest of the day. He didn't wanna eat lunch, didn't wanna take a bath, didn't wanna get out of the bath, didn't even wanna see mommy at first!

She came home early and we watched the DVRed episode of the Bachelor right before I had to go to work! Keep in mind my new phone came in yesterday and I really needed to go to sprint to talk to them today. BUUUUUUTTTT it snowed ALL day long...not just snow A BLIZZARD like storm...and my sister doesn't want me out in the snow with Barrett in the car at all. I'll just have to do it tomorrow.

Anyways, I went to work. It was completely dead...I mean D-E-A-D! I was there from 4:30 until 9:30 and had 2 tables making 10 dollars! So, now I am here at Douglas' waiting for him to come home. I have decided to stay here tonight and leave in the morning. Because right now the roads are not plowed and need to be sanded/salted before I drive home and that won't start happening until about 3 AM!

I'll just leave at 5 AM! Well, I am tired and going to quit rambling! have a goodone! Goodnight!

-T-

Start of a LOOONG week!

Well, today started out pretty early with Barrett as usual...He ate breakfast and fell asleep at 9:00! Ugh so I did my laundry only to find out the washing machine LEAKS!!! So I got one load done and had started another load before realizing it...but, at least my work clothes were clean and dry. That is the main reason I always wash that load first!

After, his nap (keep in mind I didn't get one) he was a good kid until Matthew got home at 4:00 aparently he was not the greatest kid tonight. But, I fed him lunch and we played with numbers and pictures and such. Then It was time for me to get to work. I got my butt to work and it was a completely dead night! But, even on such a dead night I managed to squirm 60 bucks!

After that, I came home to Douglas' for the most wonderful night of my LIFE!!! That I won't discuss here on the internet...but lets just say a great night! Then I headed back to Mashpee and laid down. Barrett woke up every hour on the hour last night and I finally got up at 4 AM and turned the baby moniter off and said to myself, "they can just wake me up in the morning!"

All in all, a good day to start the week! Have a good one!
-T-

Day of Rest

So Sunday is my day off from both jobs, and it is usually spent being lazy with Douglas or doing something fun together...This Sunday also happened to be Super Bowl Sunday! Well, I slept until 11...I had gotten my migraine back sometime late last night and it had not gone away and gotten worse. I ended up sick this morning from it but then felt a lil better.

I then decided to take a long relaxing bath while Douglas slept very peacefully. I got out feeling a lot better and laid back down beside Douglas! It was not until 2:00 Julio (Douglas' best friend &* & roomate) woke us up. HAHA...then we had a couple cups of coffee and got to work cleaning the house. We got it clean ate some chili, beans and some weenies hehe!

Then, his friends called and said come over for some beers, laughs and maybe the super bowl. So we went, I got to watch the Steelers win an incredible game...then I went home to Mashpee at my sisters! It was a lazy/fun day and now I am headed to bed!

HAVE A GREAT WEEK!
-T-

Such a Dummy!

Ugh, well today started out great other than the HUGE Migraine I woke up with. My sister called at 8:30 but of coarse I didn't answer...I finally called her back after Douglas alarm went off for like the 5th time. She thought that I was spending the night at home and was gonna have me drive her into town to get her car considering her and her husband both left their vehicles in town because they were too drunk to drive home.

Well, because I had woken up with a migraine I had decided not to go home today until this phone call. So I got up, got dressed, and got out the door. I told douglas goodbye and gave him a big kiss. I went home got work clothes dewrinkled and we headed into town. Then I came back to Douglas' after hitting the bank and grabbing a bite to eat. Decided it was time for a relaxing bath. HAHAHA!

That bath sent me to sprint for like 2 hours! I got a text message and stupidly I was answering them in the tub like I always do...well this time was the last for me. A simple slip of the finger caused my phone to go PLOP and I spent 2 hrs at spring talking to this guy from Costa Rica while he took apart my phone and heat dried it! That still didn't work, by the way. He sent me home with my phone until the new one is shipped and he put express shipping at no charge thank goodness!

But all in all, lesson was well learned today! Now I am drinking a cup of coffee and getting ready for a long night of work! I will let you know tomorrow how tonight went. I will be definitely getting some GREAT sleep tonight and part of tomorrow! It's my day off and I cannot wait!!!

Have a good one,
-T-

VET

So, today was not a normal day at all. I got up and got all dressed....I tried to get Barrett dressed early because I knew he probably didn't wanna go anywhere today because usually Friday's we stay home. Sure enough...he screamed and screamed and it took me what seems hours to hold him down and get him all dressed!

Today was the day that I met Love's new Mom for the first time at the Vet's office! I really didn't like the vet but as in a person towards me because he was always yelling at me to not let Barrett do anything so I ended up having to hold a kicking screaming kid the whole time.

At first, I was stunned. Love is a totally different dog. No more hyperness and soo gentle. I'm so proud of her...it just goes to say that I wasn't a good mommy at all, only because I couldn't be. If I had time with her she would settle down more like she was today.

The vet gave her some antibiotics for her skin condition that she's had...it's safe to say tho the hair is finally coming back after her having hot spots. Love is a breed of dog that has to have a TON of attention and a lot of room to play and I had the room to play but no time for attention. I will miss her but I already know that she is in a better home and will have a lot of ppl who love her!

Love is also telling them when she needs to go potty already, which she did that for me I was just never over here to let her out! And another shocking thing is the lady's son will be working at uno's with me starting tomorrow! What a quinkydink!

All in all, who Love is now with is a great family and I couldn't be happier for that. But, it still does not excuse what my sister did. I am also aloud to visit her anytime I want. The lady was sooo kind to me, and her son, 25 will meet me soon so my visitation won't be so strange maybe.

After all this, we went to eat at TGI Fridays and then went for a nap! We both took a 3 1/2 hour nap and it was AMAZING!!! Then we came home and ate dinner and took a bath...then watched a tiny bit of TV and it was time for him to go to bed. I was only babysitting tonight for a lil extra cash. I usually work at the restaurant on Fridays but was scheduled off!

Now I am headed into town to go to Douglas' for the weekend as soon as I can get packed. I have missed him today. I can't wait to see his beautiful smile tell me he loves me! Gawsh that's so mushy gooshy, but I only write what I feel in here so that's it. Anyways have a great weekend!!!

-T-

Gotta get another job!

Well, today started out just normal. While Barrett ate lunch today I seemed to be in one of those "cleaning moods" that we all get. When I get extremely stressed out or upset that's what I tend to do, scrub the shit out of things haha. Well, so I clean the entire downstairs of my sister's side of the house, including the basement. Then I felt a little better. &*& well, tomorrow after working with Barrett is my side of the house's turn, plus laundry. My sister did not know I was off from Unos tomorrow night so she had already hired a babysitter! Which is GREAT for me! I'll just go on about my business while Sophie takes over.

Anyways, after watching Barrett my sister had planned for us to have a family discussion. So they decided to take me out to eat. The deal is my sister &*& brother-in-law both cannot get home in time for me to get to work at Unos anymore because my sister's job is getting so stressful that she has to stay at school till 5:00 now. The last shift at unos starts at 4:30. So, they found out that a lady in our neighborhood has a daycare out of her home and have room for Barrett. But, the contract is only for 8 hrs a day so it's still not near long enough for them, considering Brandy leaves at 6:00 AM.

So, after February 16th or so I will watch Barrett from 5:30 - 9:30, getting paid only 50 bucks a week to do so. &*& after 9:30 I will drop him off at day care. 50 dollars a week is not enough to pay my bills, but I will have time for a 3rd job. My sister, however, wants me to get a job at one of the higher end restaurants that close during the cold season. She also wants me to quit unos...but I am not going to do that. I like what I have done for Unos...I am one of the top servers there. Well, see about working at the higher end restaurant. But I would much rather prefer somewhere that will offer me a job all year round. Also, incase I do decide to move somewhere else up here or back to Texas I could always transfer to the same restaurant. I was thinking about Fridays because I already know half the people that work there and I like them. We will see tho!

After our meeting, I went to Douglas'. We had set his roomate/best friend up on a blind date. She was coming to the apt and we cooked and drank the night away! It was fantastic...and I've never been more in love with my Douglas than I was tonight!!! I enjoyed myself! As for now I think it's time to shut my eyes!

Blah

Today was a pretty rough day again. It just started out yucky. The kid woke up at 6 when his parents left. We ate breakfast and Barrett devoured like 6 bowls of cheerios!! He's such a BIG eater! We then went downstairs to become hermits because the snowy weather kept us indoors. He took his nap early at around 10:30! Thank goodness for his nap finally! He slept for 3 1/2 hrs today! I needed that very much.

I hopped in the shower right after he fell asleep and then after that I took a 2 hr nap, woke up and got ready for work. Then when he wakes up we start to get dressed because idk if we are meeting his mommy in town or what!

Well, turns out she didn't want us going anywhere so we stayed her and finally ate lunch. We both had pizza, crackers and some sliced cheese. Then I waited for brother-in-law to make home and then he finally did...

Got to work, I am definitely a closer when I walk in the door...but close to the end of my shift Dougas and I Get in a big arguement...I won't get into that because it's in the past now but I am still upset at what all happened!

Anyways, today was kinda bland...I am falling asleep so I'm going to call it quits!

G*nite,
-T-

EXHAUSTED!

Well...today was a very exhausting day. But a lot better than the last few. I couldn't sleep a wink last night. I don't know if it's because I didn't have Douglas beside me or if it was the absence of Love. I really miss how she used to curl up in a ball next to me under the covers. But, I really didn't fall asleep until after 4 AM this morning. &*& Barrett woke me up at his usual 6:00 AM!

Well, I then thought to myself oh he'll take his 3 hour nap and I can get a good 2 hr nap in too until I need to get ready for work. HAHAHA NOTT!!!! The turd did not even blink. Not only did he not take a nap....he was off the walls all day long. A complete handful. I didn't get a nap in...and had to go work the second job knowing I would be closing with 2 hours of sleep!

Tonight was especially slow...&*& to top it off the two other servers I worked with are my worst enemies really...oh well, I made it through. The girl who is supposed to close with me left me ALL alone to do EVERYTHING. But, I finally got done at 11:30. And I prolly had about 6 tables, if that, all night! I still managed to make 60 bucks tho...so it turned out alright.

Then I went to Douglas' house and had coffee and a snack. I never go home without spending about an hour with him after work. He makes me so happy. This man truly is my world. Everytime he smiles my head just spins! I love having him there while I am at work. Because a table can be the rudest ppl I have ever met and I want to shoot myself but when I look through that window at his smile and him mouthing I love you everything melts away! I love Douglas with everything that is in me.

Oh, and on another note. I found out some REALLY great news on Thursday night before all this mad house happened. My mom recently had gone to doctor for a mamogram. Well, it came back abnormal...which could mean anything?! My mother and I haven't really had a relationship at all until recently...and the thought of breast cancer made me shutter. Well, when I called to tell her about my extremely burnt finger she told me her news. The abnormalties were just cists and she's going to be just fine. But definitely needs to keep up with her yearly checkups and exams just to be safe! Thank God! ( :

Sorry, that I got a little mushy gooshy...that's just how I feel tonight. Mooshy gooshy! hehe! Alright it's time to hit the hay...afterall, I am extremely exhausted!


ZzZzZzZz...
-T-

Getting a little better.

Well, today was actually a late morning. Barrett decided to sleep in until 7:30 this morning when he is usually up at his normal 5:30! We get up...eat breakfast, get a bath and go play, do numbers, and letters and such. Then we eat lunch and lay down for a nap (well he does that is.)

In the mean time of him falling asleep I see my sister has left the number for Love's new owner on the fridge. I pick my phone up shakily and dial the number. Turns out she really does love my dog. &*& we made plans of getting her paper work faxed and the rest of her things to her and such. Then she made the vet apt I wanted to make without me....I'm not sure I really have the money for all the stuff they have to do to her because it's been since I lived in Corpus like 8 months ago that she's actually been to the vet. But, I am going to talk to my sister and see if she can get my money to me early...it's due on the 1st anyways which is a Sunday...hopefully she can do that for me.

Well, I've been lonely the last few nights in bed. &*& it was great to know that Love won't be a bed dog for them because she is not big enough to jump on their bed and she's actually sleeping in her own bed. WHO would have known to cover her up with a blanket and she'd be fine?!?! lol...I think I am starting to get used to it but it's still very hard to let go.

Well, my phone decided to die at about 3 today, and my sister and I hadn't made plans of how we were exchanging the baby...I didn't know if Matthew was coming home or I was supposed to meet my sister at Uno's or what?! Well, I left charger at Douglas' of coarse so I went out to my car to charge my phone at about 4 so I could give my sister a call...turns out I was supposed to meet her in town at the gym like 30 min ago...she said she'd called ALL day. NOT! my phone wasn't dead till 3!

Anyways, I told her that we needed to discuss a plan ahead of time...like written down on the calendar on the fridge (which was bought just for that!) Well, aparently my sister had backed into someone in Uno's parking lot but she said nothing to me about it when I got there. Just took the baby and headed home...but my manager saw the whole thing and thought it was hilarious! Work, was pretty slow and I managed to pull 50 bucks out of tonight even tho I only had 6 tables tops!

Now, it's time for bed...a lonely one but a bed none the less!

Tchao!
-T-

Shocked!

So, Sundays are always ALWAYS mine and Douglas' day of rest considering we only get that day off from both of our busy lives. So we slept till 1:00, I got up showered and put a face on. Then we went to stop & shop to go grocery shopping for the apartment. That took us like 2 hrs considering all the stuff that we bought.

While grocery shopping and I hear my phone ring and I know it's my sister. Finally, I have to face up to her. But, I still say nothing! She tells me how much the family loooved my dog and that they would like to keep her. I am both happy and very depressed about this. I love my dog and only want what's best for her but I don't think I was ready just yet!

I had told my sister I wanted to get her to the vet and checked out before I just gave her to someone because it's been a LONG while. Well, it was like 2 days later she told me about this lady. Oh well, in other words my dog is at someone else's house for good now...and it was basically like I never got to say goodbye. Maybe it's better that way.

I still plan to take her to the vet and the new "mom" of Love will be meeting Barrett &*& I at her veternarians office soon. &*& then I will be able to tell her goodbye. I really loved that lil dog...I miss her soooo much. I miss our cuddle time, and play time. I even miss the part I used to dread and that was clipping her nails. She's such a loving lil bundle and I am gonna miss that. But, maybe, I'll be able to have time for another dog in the future.

After the groceries, however, we got home and put everything away and then Douglas started on a laaaate lunch. We ate and then went over to his friends' apt for the every sunday party! We have steak, sausage, beer and liquor. Everything seemed to be okay, until we got home and Douglas and I had a big fight. I haaate fighting...especially with the one I love. But, I think everything is okay. We kinda just left it open and are now going to bed.

callin it a night!
-T-

Another Sad Day

This one is short I promise. Well, at least I started out the day in someone's arms who had a great big smile on his face! But unfortunately that's not how my day went. He went on to work and I was basically a Veggie at his house because I didn't really want to confront my sister yet. I called her and texted her all day long and never got a response with any kind of phone number.

Once getting to Uno's for work I put it behind me. &*& Well, MADE SOME KICK ASS MONEY! I made 120 bucks! So that made things seem a lil better. Then I just went home with Douglas and watched a movie and went to bed. Wasn't a very eventful day at all. Just a lil depressing if you ask me. Hopefully these posts get better soon.

Today was RUFF!

Well, today again starts out like normal...except my brother-in-law is back from his trip with military. So he's home all day and I some how still have to watch the kid. I took care of him and while he took a nap I got love all groomed up and ready for her night stay with the woman that wants to "test drive." Well, that day turned into more a whole weekend thing.

That lil change isn't what made my day "ruff" tho...listen to this. My sister told me that she was meeting her "lady friend" ( i don't even know her name) at a bar between 4:00 and 4:30 and I get there at like 4:15. I call her and tell her I'm there. She said the lady wasn't there yet and I wouldn't be able to meet her. Well, tears start to whelp up and my sister was like, "what's wrong?! You'll get to meet her if she wants to keep her!" &* & I gulped and swallowed hard then said, "ok."

I am stupid...I not only gave my dog to a complete stranger thinking I can trust her through my sister! But I don't EVEN HAVE A PHONE NUMBER just in case! It's like if I had handed over my sisters son to someone else for a weekend and her having not met her or had any numbers. I not only don't have numbers but really haven't seen, spoken to, or heard this woman at all! It's so frustrating. I love my dog soooo much!

How could I let this happen to her?! Now, I am so worried. I went to work almost being late having bawled my eyes out right before. So I calmed down &*& went in. Well, I had forgotten that I had left my apron at Uno's Wednesday night. Well, I get there and my apron is there COMPLETELY empty. It had my chapstick, about 10 pens, lip gloss and EVEN tampons...now why the HELL would someone still all of that! It just made the moment even worse for me.

I've never broke down at work before because of something outside of work...I usually leave it at the door. But, the fact was I was so upset at what my sister did that I could not hold it back. One of the girls at work gave me three pens and I was greatful for her in that moment. &*& I told her my story and she gave me a big hug...&*& again I love her for that as well. So I took a deep breath and took the server floor not wanting to wait for Douglas to come in that front door.

So...that's how my night went. Hopefully after Douglas gets home from work a lil shortly after I just did now things will look up and I'll let you know about that tomorrow. As for now I'm gonna leave you with this!

-T

Burnt Finger

Well, today started out just like any day. But, I LOVE Thursdays considering Douglas and I both have Thursday night off. Well, my sister had to stay later to get grades in. &*& Matthew was flying in from being away with military so I had to get the house extra tidy and clean for him.

Well, Barrett takes an unusually long 3 1/2 - 4 hr nap today! Which was ABSOLUTELY amazing! I had time to even clean my car out, which was pretty discusting if you ask me! I never thought I'd see the day that my car would actually look like that, but I also didn't think I'd have a 2-year-old going everywhere with me for quite some time.

Anyways, I got a lot done I needed done but still didn't get it all done. I still have a mound of laundry to do. Well, this week is kinda sad for me. I might be soon saying goodbye to my dog. Love is now a year old, as of the first, and I am very attached to her. However, I know that I really don't have the time to give her. I work all the time and I am never home. &*& that's just not fair to her. I love her to death though. A woman from where my sister works is going to "test drive" her tomorrow night.

Tomorrow I am either going to do it myself or take her to petco to get her all groomed up. It really makes me sad. I love sleeping with her because she LOVES to cuddle but I guess I do have Douglas for that now. I'm pretty beat up about this and it does make me cry. I am really gonna miss her! She was there for me when no one else was. Oh well, on to the title now huh? Well, after Barrett awoke from his nap he was already hungry for dinner so I started grilled cheeses. He screamed about something so I turned around and did not pay attention to my left hand.

It had been holding the handle on the frying pan. Well, there is a piece between the handle and the actual pan itself that is about an inch thick and metal. Well, I had accidently grabbed that piece! &*& not only was it hot but my Brain wouldn't tell my hand to let go. Now my entire left index finger has a huge blister on it. OUCH!

I am just so tired of all the lil bad things happening to me lately. I really feel like a clutz but I also know that I really am not that big of a clutz. Oh well, I better get my butt in bed as I am dozing off writing this now. CHOW!

-T-

Just Another Day

Well, today started off normal again. I am still sick but I am slowly recovering. The thing about my scalp almost completely disappeared today so I am no longer worried about that. Barrett decided to be a total handful today. He was a lil crankier than normal and only took a 1 hour nap compared to his normal 3 hour naps! I really didn't get ANYthing I needed to get done today what so ever. But, how can ya with a 2-year-old. Sometimes it really drives me nutts to watch this kid as much as I do every week. Don't get me wrong I love him, but really I hadn't spent much time with him until he was 2 and that is a really tuff age! &*& I feel as if I spend way more time with him than his own mother and I hate when I hear him call me "mama!" He still cannot say my name after 4 months and it's kinda sad. We're trying tho. Today was a very awkward day for me all in all, tho. Not to worry, I will still be his nanny until around July.

Well, I get to the second job, you know the one at the restaurant, and I find out I am not closing. Which is DEVISTATING considering I know it's going to be slow and I know I need all the time I can get and all the tables I can get. &*& what's strange is for the past 2 1/2 months I have CLOSED every SINGLE night I have worked for that restaurant. Which was fine with me because my Douglas has to close anyway too. But, it gave me time to eat, shower, and relax before Douglas got home. I made about 40 bucks...which is really good when I had the amount of tables that I had.

Well, I am sorry tonight's post was kinda boring. I think I had a bit of writer's block to be honest. Nothing that "great" happened today so I really don't know what to write about when that happens. Have a good one!

-T-

Go Away Snow!

Well hey again,

Today started out like most days of my week! Early at about 5:30 Barrett woke up so I jumped up got him his juice and we headed downstairs to the basement. We lay down and watch a movie. Then we get up, eat breakfast brush our teeth and then we go over either letters or numbers. &*& Maybe even count our toes. Most days we will go somewhere during this time...like the children's museum or something along the lines...But, here lately I have not felt like going ANYWHERE!

I've had a cold for going on 2 weeks now. My trip to Boston this Saturday totally didn't make things better but I wanted to make the BEST of my birthday and DEAL with it! Well, Sunday I wake up with one of those "smoker's" coughs. &*& I'm NOT a smoker. &*& by then I knew this cold was settling itself down in my chest...so now I am coughing quite a bit and it's getting really hard to talk to my tables at the restaurant without needing to cough.

The bad thing is, I do NOT have insurance yet or I would have definitely gone and got a HUGE shot! I just hope and pray that it goes away soon...I also have this really hard to explain thing going on as well. My neck hurts...and is all tight. Well, because it's all tight on the left side of my neck the left side of my scalp and head is all tight and hurts as well. It's hard to understand I know?!? Cus I don't even understand it. I just hope that's from working to hard or sleeping wrong...but this is the 3rd day of it doing so.

Anyways I'll get off this subject...I'm just worried and basically SICK of BEING SICK! But onto the SNOW! I move here and every NORMAL Cape Codder tells me oh it only snows thick here like 3 times during the winter. I must have brought bad luck to Cape Cod or something! It has snowed thick just about EVERY week this winter. The snow just starts to go away and more piles right on! Douglas even said so today that he didn't understand it...why it's snowing so much. Anyways...it's extremely hard and dangerous to drive in...and sometimes I have to drive in it after midnight because of work...and that's even more dangerous.

I'm just tired of snow. At first it was pretty but now it's just trecherous! I dread going outside when there is even a lil snow on the ground! Haha, maybe that's just because I am so clumsy! Speaking of, last monday I had Barrett in my arms walking on the pavement and lost my balance!!! I fell, but protected him completely, and broke my tailbone for the third time. And let me tell you, it STILL HURTS! haha...oh well...the snow will pass eventually.

Well, It is DEFINITELY time for bed!
Goodnight folks,
-T-

Long Time No Talk!

I haven't had a journal since way back in high school. Now that I am 22 and feel that I have better things to talk about than I did back then. Let's see where should I start?! Well, how bout I start with my new life after a big move!

I have taken off a few years from school after deciding the field I was going into I had no life and would never have a life! I was dating a guy for almost 2 years and had moved from San Angelo, TX to Corpus Christi, TX. Let's just say the town wasn't for me and shortly after moving back to SA, I realized the guy wasn't for me either!

About 2 months after being back in SA, I still had this Ex who wasn't really an Ex if you know what I mean? Well, I get a phone call from my sister asking me a VERY important question. See she had just moved to Cape Cod, Massachusetts and couldn't find a day car for my 2-year-old nephew. She offered me an apartment off her house, to pay for the entire move, my food, hotels, and the flight of my passenger back to Texas. Then would pay me to watch my nephew Mon-Fri!

Seriously....who would say no right?!?! Well, Amber and I packed up all my things and I headed out the end of September. It was a roller coaster getting here but the best roller coaster of my life!! Things here were hard and difficult at first. It's a very different place from Texas. I'm used to the country life and all our Texas Country now being called Red Dirt Country.

I also now have a second job as a server at Uno Chicago Grill! I've been there for over 3 months...I still haven't made friends that I associate with outside of work except for one person, but I am hoping for that to change soon.

I'll never forget the first day I saw his BEAUTIFUL smile as he was looking right at me! Keep in mind I am still suffering from the heart that had been broken in a million pieces! But, no matter what I said this beautiful smiling face made all the right moves at all the right times and totally put my heart back together. He makes me the happiest person on earth. Not to mention he has an accent to die for because he is from Brazil. Beautiful country that I hope to visit someday!

Two days ago was my 22nd birthday! &*& I KNOW I KNOW I am not old...but for some reason I do feel a bit old. It was the best birthday yet! Douglas, oh yeah that's my love's name, went to Boston and had a grand ol' time just walking around with each other. Then the next day was my party!!! Just when I thought he couldn't surprise me anymore...he tells me he's going to store to get some toothpaste and comes back with a knock on the front door! I open it and here he is with this ice cream cake and a BIG 22 candle lit singing happy birthday!

I couldn't be happier with my life...granted I do miss my family and friends back home in Texas. But, I do think it is going to be a while before I visit home again! Well, this turned out to be extremely long I will update again hopefully tomorrow if I get a chance!

Thanks for listening!
-T-